Online notebook to help me and others forgive themselves by bringing to light the guilt feelings.

I am feeling somehow relaxed because I slept for an hour or two after work. I will post an entry tomorrow.

Being online all the time lets me forget my problems and my guilt feelings. I am not evading things by going online. I just want to make myself busy so that I won't do any thing that would hurt me or anyone around me. I am not saying I am the suicidal type or someone who'd hurt somebody. But we don't know anything that will happen. That's why I often guard myself, my thoughts, and my actions now that my guilts are pouring over my consciousness.

It's so hard to project that everything's all right with me. But what can I do? I can only ask God to forgive me, and do good things. I am not saying that by being good my sins are already forgiven. I am saying that by being good, I can learn how to forgive myself, and love myself more.

I realized that those things I did in the past were triggered by something I am not sure yet. I cannot go back to that period just for me to know how and why things happened. But I know that they were moments away from light that's why those things happened.

By only bringing those guilt feelings to the surface, I can be able to move forward. SLOWLY. SLOWLY.

I am not rushing things up. I need God to work on me.

I was about to log off when I saw cas comment for me. Cas, your song made me smile. I'd like to post it here because it's so cool to read it. I hope you wouldn't mind. Thank you.

Guilt free ice cream.
I scream, "Help me."
End this madness.

Pull me by the hair,
Torture me no more.
Let me be humane,
And keep my lunch today.

Guilt free ice cream.
So mean, help me.
Unclean purging.
Fingers scratching.
Guilt free ice cream.

Pull me by the hair,
Torture me no more.
Let me be humane,
And keep my lunch today.

I am feeling so guilty. But I have to deal with it the hard way. There's still tomorrow. God is watching over me.

GUILT.

Everyone of us experiences this feeling, this harsh emotion once or several times in our lifetime.

Everyone of us feels inadequate at one point in time because of the wrongs each one of us made.

It's so hard to deal with guilt, particularly, when we can't say it to anyone. I often talk with God to forgive me of my wrongs as a human being. But guilt is still here in my conscience because I could not afford to hurt my loved ones by telling them of my sins which they were not aware I committed in the past. I was so young then. I didn't know why I did that. But now that I am old enough, the memories haunt me. I am forever dealing with them. I am forever asking God to heal me, to love myself more.

I am building this site to free me from being so crippled with guilts so that I could love more, so that I could be more good towards my family, friends, and others as well.

Peter McWilliams said that “Guilt is anger directed at ourselves.” I cannot forever be angry at myself. God has blessed me with so much that I have to learn to forgive myself as well. There's no use of telling my sins to the people I hurt unconsciously or consciously. I don't want to cause more pain, thus, I am accepting the pain myself. It's better that way. I know that I have been so sorry for the past 14 years that I have first learned to be guilty of my wrong doings in the past.

This is my way of liberating myself. I am not totally forgetting the wrongs I did, but I am learning from them. I will forever be sorry. God has His way of polishing me. I know that someday I will live in peace...in His time.

“Guilt is regret for what we’ve done. Regret is guilt for what we didn’t do.”

I feel so guilty of everything I did. I would regret living under my guilt if I won't forgive myself. In not forgiving myself, I refrain from correcting my mistakes, and from loving those who I have hurt unconsciously or consciously.

Everyday, I will write here of my progress in overcoming guilt or of becoming guilt-free. It will take sometime I know, but God is always listening to how sorry I am. He didn't grant my wish to forget all things that I did in the past for He wants me to learn, be sorry for them, and don't do the wrong things again.

I am finally choosing this blog theme because in the midst of darkness, there is light SOMEDAY.

If you haven't made a sin in your entire life, make a harsh comment for me. But if you are a sinner as well, be good to me or rather pray for me, and I will pray for you.